Roller Coaster BS

My blood sugar as of late has been like a roller coaster, meaning ALL over the place. It is frustrating. I have been eating pretty well, but have splurged a little. I definitely have either underestimated doses of insulin, or over guesstimated resulting in highs and lows.

It doesn't help that I have not been feeling the best. I did run 4 miles last week as proudly mentioned in my other blog, but this week it just feels like I have been fighting something. I thought I was getting a sinus infection, but that just kind of went away, then I came home from work a little early today because of an upset stomach! Sometimes I wish our bodies could just tell us clearly what is wrong! Sheesh!

A Spontaneous Bout of Diabetic Demensia

Today I worked in both Salt Lake City, as well as in Brigham City. This meant a LOT of driving. I made sure to leave plenty early this morning in order to make it through any possible traffic that could occur during my commute. I am not always a morning person, and I haven't been sleeping that well lately, so last night I did what I thought was necessary in preparing for the day, which meant packing my own lunch, restocking my purse with needles, and making sure I had my glucometer. The most important thing I happened to forget in my hurry this morning? My INSULIN! I was almost to SLC when I went digging around in my purse for my vial of insulin and needles. Needless to say, that in all my hurried preparation last night I had not only forgot to put my insulin near or in my purse, I also forgot my needles on the kitchen counter. Boy, did I feel stupid. I knew that I was in for a day of fun with walking the fine lined relationship I have with carbs. I didn't have snacks or a lunch that were just overflowing with carbs but I did have enough carbs to require a couple of units of insulin.

Lunch time came and I was already feeling sick from high BS from breakfast. I was tempted to not even eat my lunch, but decided against that. I just knew I wasn't going to be feeling well by the time I got home. I went about the rest of my day with a headache, and later a seriously nauseated stomach. I came home thinking I was going to spill my cookies, but realized at the same time how hungry I really was. How ironic is that? I am feeling sick from high BS and starving at the same time! Not the most pleasant feeling in the world might I just say!

So today was most assuredly not one of my finer days in my diabetes management. I have done this once or twice before and obviously made the same mistake today. May it not be another blooper I make again any time soon!

Insulin Adjusting

I have some exciting news! With me working out several nights a week I am now on lower doses of insulin! I haven't lost the weight that I had hoped to, but this in and of itself is good news to me! I found out the hard way with getting a few lows in the middle of the night, but that just was a sign to me to cut back a little and I am thrilled!

Progress!

Yesterday was my semi-quarterly check up with my endocrinologist. Every time I go I get a wicked finger poke that serves as a testament to my blood sugar levels the last 3 months. I was a little hopeful for this one since I have actually bucked up and started taking care of myself about a month ago. I have felt really good the last few weeks with a few low BS's here and there in adjusting to my newer more diligent diabetes regimen. And my hard work has paid off! My HA1C was 8.3! That's the best one I have had in almost 2 years! It's difficult to get it down to exactly where the pro's want it, but hey for me it's definitely good news! My doctor was thrilled when I told him everything that I have been doing these last several weeks, and said that if I keep doing what I am doing, then my A1C will be better in no time!

Today, I went over to a health club and re-joined! With it almost being the cooler seasonal months, I know that the days of running or biking the streets of my neighborhood are numbered. It is really quite an affordable deal, especially since Brandon wasn't too interested in joining. I am excited about this! I also went and bought myself a new Ipod to give me that extra boost while I work out. I felt this was deserved, as well as new motivation because of the crazy money I spent! But I am so excited about this, and owe it to myself, my family, and friends who care about me to keep moving in the right direction! There is no money that could buy the way I feel about this!

"Drunk" Driving

I worked all day today in a small town in northerh Utah. With a 45 minute commute to get there this morning, I woke up a little too late to make myself a decent lunch. When lunchtime came around for me today, I walked out to my car thinking about the limited lunch options in such a small town. The strangest thing was that I didn't really start feeling that anything wrong until I was about 50 yards from my car. I didn't think much of it until I got into my car, because I was headed to lunch anyway. I got into my car and started driving in to town from where I was working, and very quickly felt dizzy and felt my car start to swerve a little in the road. I was only going about 40 mph, but I slowed down to about 25 mph only to have to force myself to concentrate until I got into a parking lot. The feeling of my BS going down that fast was quite unsettling! I had to gather what was left of my wits about me before I could even walk in to buy my lunch! I honestly felt drunk while driving today! It was kinda scary! I am just grateful that it happened while I was on a desolate country road instead of on the busy interstate. I would have been in a heap of trouble. The funny thing is is that if one of the small town cops had pulled me over for suspicion of drunk driving, I wouldn't have even had a valid excuse of inebriation to admit to!

Introspection of a Walking Pincushion

It doesn't take knowing me very long to know that my life is full of sharp metal objects. :)

Every single frickin' day is full of needles. I use a needle to inject a life sustaining substance every time I eat in to a chosen site such as my stomach, hip, or arm. My left hand's middle and ring fingers are callused from regular glucose monitoring. (There are times when I would like to GIVE this disease the middle finger)

With the needles I use day in and day out, it might not be hard to understand why I coin myself a "walking pin-cushion". But even when I certainly feel like a pin cushion, I have to remember the always important reasons for being one. First I consider how lucky I am to live in a time where the medical profession makes managing diabetes a reality instead of the initial diagnosis of diabetes being a death sentence though I often consider it a life sentence. Second, those finger pricks help me make sure my sugars are in the healthy and recommended range. Last, every 3 months or so when I visit my endocrinologist I get a test called a hemoglobin A1C. This test is a culminated testament to how I have managed my disease over a 3 month period. The professionals use the scores from this test to assess how a diabetic is taking care of themselves, as well as determine potential risks for complications later in life. A non-diabetic person has an A1C score of about 6 or less. It is recommended that diabetics be around a 7. If it is any higher than this, you are more at risk for facing a hellish future of complications. A score of an 8 or higher is definitely not ideal. Admittedly my last one was a 10.2. On the scale of A1C's that's pretty pathetic. That basically shows that I have been eating whatever I damn well please, even skipping insulin doses at times.

That is my rebellion to the every day struggles with this disease. Every day is a test.

I am lucky to report though, that in the last 2 weeks I have really buckled down and tried to take control back instead of allowing diabetes to control me. A cool feature about my glucometer is that it shows a 14 day average of my sugars, and today the screen popped up with a beautiful 132! I remember in the not to far past when the average was the 200's to 300's! I couldn't have been more thrilled with this! I have felt better these past 2 weeks than I have in the past couple years of rebellion.

I know that I can't take these last couple of years back, even if I could I wouldn't. I have learned more about myself and about my disease. I am grateful that I am starting to heal from the inside out and owning the fact that I will never be perfect with this disease and the managment that goes with it. And that says a lot.

For Those Blissfully Unaware Souls

"How do you do it?"

"Do what exactly?"

"How do you handle the needles, the finger sticks, etc?"

That's just it people. I just do. I handle the needles, the blood, the constant reading of nutrition labels, the expensive test strips and insulin, the annoying insurance company, the stares, and the reactions of those people I like to term "blissfully unaware" of what having diabetes really means.

It doesn't just mean that I take shots or test my blood sugar. It doesn't mean that I can't ever have sugar. It doesn't mean that I am fragile or sick all the time.

Diabetes has changed my world forever. Long gone are the days of being carefree or "foot-loose and fancy free". Diabetes doesn't just affect my diet. It affects every single aspect of my life in one way or another. Diabetes has changed my outlook on social gatherings where there is food. It has affected the options on restaurants where I eat on dates with my husband. It affects the fact that when I have to go somewhere, I have to carry a purse constantly to make sure I have a snack, my glucometer, needles, and most importantly my insulin. I can't go for a short hike without my diabetes stuff. I can't go for a fun day at the lake with my husband's family without hauling my stuff with me in to the boat, or camping without it either. While some people consider eating candy and desserts a daily ritual, for me it is something I plan for and have to know how many carbs or cholesterol are in the ingredients.

In our society today foods on my "no-no" list are everywhere. It is almost insane. When someone is a diabetic you don't just look at any menu and pick something. My thought process when looking at a menu is "that will make me sick", "i can't even imagine how many carbs are in that", or "it sounds good, but isn't worth the amount of insulin I would have to give myself".

I am not complaining when I express how I do things. This is the life that I live, and I love it and am so grateful to be living it. This is just the rhyme to the reasons behind how I do and why I do these things.

Part of being a "healthy" diabetic is exercise. Every time I go exercise in some form or fashion I have to check my blood sugar to make sure I won't have a LOW while working out. Then when I get back I check it to make sure I am not headed that way, or that I am not too high.

That is the unpredictability of my disease, and while some people have told me they could never do it, or that they would rather take a bullet to the head, I just think "this is how I take care of myself". Diabetes care has become second nature to me. Every day is just another day in the life of being Lisa. I just don't think about it too much anymore because if I did, I'd be certifiably insane and depressed.

I have learned to be more tolerant of people who are ignorant to diabetes. Often I do not tell people right off the bat that I am a diabetic, because of the questions that inevitably come from doing so. I don't mind the questions or any opportunity to educate someone about my "world", but I also don't want them treating me as if I am breakable or in need of sympathy.

This is just a miniscule glimpse into the world/life of mine and so many others like me. So for all those of you that fit in to the category of the "blissfully unaware", don't worry because I used to be one of you!