Introspection of a Walking Pincushion

It doesn't take knowing me very long to know that my life is full of sharp metal objects. :)

Every single frickin' day is full of needles. I use a needle to inject a life sustaining substance every time I eat in to a chosen site such as my stomach, hip, or arm. My left hand's middle and ring fingers are callused from regular glucose monitoring. (There are times when I would like to GIVE this disease the middle finger)

With the needles I use day in and day out, it might not be hard to understand why I coin myself a "walking pin-cushion". But even when I certainly feel like a pin cushion, I have to remember the always important reasons for being one. First I consider how lucky I am to live in a time where the medical profession makes managing diabetes a reality instead of the initial diagnosis of diabetes being a death sentence though I often consider it a life sentence. Second, those finger pricks help me make sure my sugars are in the healthy and recommended range. Last, every 3 months or so when I visit my endocrinologist I get a test called a hemoglobin A1C. This test is a culminated testament to how I have managed my disease over a 3 month period. The professionals use the scores from this test to assess how a diabetic is taking care of themselves, as well as determine potential risks for complications later in life. A non-diabetic person has an A1C score of about 6 or less. It is recommended that diabetics be around a 7. If it is any higher than this, you are more at risk for facing a hellish future of complications. A score of an 8 or higher is definitely not ideal. Admittedly my last one was a 10.2. On the scale of A1C's that's pretty pathetic. That basically shows that I have been eating whatever I damn well please, even skipping insulin doses at times.

That is my rebellion to the every day struggles with this disease. Every day is a test.

I am lucky to report though, that in the last 2 weeks I have really buckled down and tried to take control back instead of allowing diabetes to control me. A cool feature about my glucometer is that it shows a 14 day average of my sugars, and today the screen popped up with a beautiful 132! I remember in the not to far past when the average was the 200's to 300's! I couldn't have been more thrilled with this! I have felt better these past 2 weeks than I have in the past couple years of rebellion.

I know that I can't take these last couple of years back, even if I could I wouldn't. I have learned more about myself and about my disease. I am grateful that I am starting to heal from the inside out and owning the fact that I will never be perfect with this disease and the managment that goes with it. And that says a lot.